After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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