just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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