It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
