i think my tv is drunk
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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