I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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