They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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