evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
