definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
