Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
