it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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