Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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