Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
