Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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