Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
