Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
