i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
