Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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