we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
