woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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