The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
