There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
