these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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