She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
