hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
