That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
