Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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