fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
