Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
