pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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