apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize