My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
