Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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