she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
