John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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