My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
