Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
