I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
