dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
