My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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