Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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