I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
