i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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