So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
