we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
