i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
