Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
