he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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