I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
