After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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