Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
