Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
