all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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