3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
