did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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