i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
