He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
