Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
