Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
