this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize