So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
