The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
