i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
