he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
