She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
