Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
