I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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