The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
