I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize