Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
