exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
