sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize