fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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