Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
