half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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