I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
