I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
