You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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