I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
