i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
