Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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