The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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