; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
