I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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