I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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